Crazy Making People

Crazy Making People

With Social Media opening up the world as much as it has, we are more likely to come in contact with people who just like to the stir the pot. They can not have an intelligent conversation without trying to incite a reaction. It seems they are so angry or disillusioned with their life they have to create a controversy.

We all have our opinions and we have the right to voice them, others may not agree with us but that is okay. We can have a debate without trying to confuse and annoy people. It’s as if these kinds of people get their jollies by using crazy-making comments. Their intent isn’t to have a conversation with anyone, they just have to refute what everyone else is saying without having any knowledge or evidence to the contrary. It’s like a game to them.

So often in the past I found myself getting angry and trying to get my point across to people who have no intention of listening to another point of view.

Now I choose to concede defeat, it lets the wind out of their sails. There is no point in arguing with someone who just wants to argue for the sake of it. The point is there are so many wonderful people in the world who will be willing to discuss a subject with intelligence and respect.

I had one such conversation this very day. I knew immediately what he was about but I wanted to see how far he would take it.  He talked in circles and really only wanted to cause trouble, if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I was dealing with a narcissist who was bored. It was funny I paid him a compliment, admitted defeat and left the conversation. He continued to post comments for a while, dozens in fact, hoping I would bite.

It makes me laugh that people can be like this but hey it takes all kinds. Good luck to you Brendan.

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Weight of the World Update.

I continue my weight loss journey. I have lost 5 kilos and continue to keep it off. And now to work on the rest of the weight I need to lose.

Part of this weight loss journey is about getting rid of old habits and ways of thinking about myself. I am teaching myself to love me not matter what and learning different ways to protect myself from emotional pain. Believing no one can hurt me without my permission is a big deal for me.

And the journey continues………

Daily Struggles

Life can be so overwhelming on occasion. Currently I struggle with so much. Finances, health, just life in general. And it is astonishingly difficult to try to rise about all of this going on, and remember you can change your life and this is only temporary. Emotions blind you to the point where you can’t see past what is happening right in that moment. Without even realising it your thoughts run away with you and before you know it you have convinced yourself there is no end, no way out.

You question everything, you are being tested in a way you never thought possible. And just when things start to let up, they take a nose dive again, to new depths. You thought you knew what you wanted in life but now you aren’t so sure. And you can’t control everything. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and take it one moment at a time.

People you have known for a while suddenly appear in a new light. Some you feel like you have known forever and you are soul friends or partners, others you realise just don’t get you and the hard part, you know in your heart, they never will. A part of you has always know this but it dawns on you like a thunderous revelation.

Some of those around us wear masks, they come across as the perfect person, especially to the outside world. But as time passes their mask starts to slip, and you see who they really are. Using mind games and word salad, manipulations they knock you off-balance, you realise what you thought about them or thought you knew about them, is a fabrication. You look into this person’s eyes and you see a stranger looking back.

When we start a relationship with someone, be it friendship or romantic, we make that person a part of our lives, we share our experiences and thoughts, all the while trying to keep a part of what we once were still alive so we have an identity of our own. Friends become your worst enemy when you realise they have betrayed you all the while smiling to your face. A relationship becomes something that you never wanted or expected, you lose yourself. You look in the mirror and you don’t recognise the person staring back.

Life has a funny, if not ironic, way of waking you up to the truth and what you really don’t need or want in your life. Tough life experiences teach us so much about who we are and what we are capable of. People will let us down, and they will not be capable of meeting our needs or allowing us to follow our dreams.

All we can do is accept our part in whatever has happened and find a way to move on. And by accepting the part we played doesn’t mean blaming ourselves, it is about accepting responsibility for our actions both past and present. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to someone who has been an important part of our life. It is painful but from pain we can grow.

Despite all the adversity I am facing at present, one truth that rings clear to me is, I know who I am and I have everything within me to change this. I just have to search deep for the answers and have faith. I do find myself falling back into old habits but I am aware of them and shake myself out of it as soon as I notice. My heart has always been true and I have done the best I can under all circumstances. I stumbled and fell many times and will do so again. But the future is getting clearer. The past 5 years have shown me so much about myself and where I came from, and the possibilities of life if I just believe.

 

 

 

 

Weight of the World

I wanted to update everyone on my journey with my weight. I have managed to lose 5 kilograms, which to some might not be much but it is a huge thing for me, because I have been able to maintain the weight loss. So now it is time to work on the next 5 kilos.

My eating habits have changed, with smaller portions and having my gluten intolerance flaring up quite badly at the moment, I have cut right back on any junk food and take away as well as my bread and pasta intake.
My exercise regime could be a lot better but I try to keep active even if it is working up a sweat cleaning or helping out with my partner’s business.

I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and the incredibly humid weather we are having is really causing havoc with my pain.

Mental health issues have also become an issue again as things are not quite what we had planned. On the plus side I have sought help and things are improving slowly.

My plan is to give regular updates. I want to lose this weight but will not resort to any milk shake diets or other crash diets, to get there. Healthy eating and activity is what works best and helps to keep the weight off

Inner Quality

Sometimes we get so caught up in life, we forget what we are capable of.

And it takes a defining moment for us to realise this.

We get so used to being and living a certain way, due to circumstances we currently are faced with, we forget how strong we can be.

Life has a way of reminding us of our inner strength and quality.

Be it in a message from a loved one who has passed.

Or a particular song on the radio, a phrase uttered by someone. An aroma that sparks within us a memory of times when we were invincible.

Meeting up with an old friend. A family member who utters the words that inspires you.

Or a complete stranger who exudes the very strength you recognise in yourself.

 

The Black Dog is Yapping at My Heels

The Black Dog is Yapping at My Heels

Anyone who has had Depression knows what the Black Dog is. Another bout of Depression has snuck up on me. At this point I am not suicidal but I struggle to find any good in my day. I feel teary on some days out of the blue, getting out of bed is a struggle.

When I realised what was happening I decided in that moment to do something about it. I had an online assessment done and have signed up for a Wellbeing course run by professionals. I know of online counselling available so if I feel the need to talk to someone I know where to go.

My husband’s reaction wasn’t as supportive as I had hoped, He seemed to make it all about him when we had the conversation about how I have been feeling lately. I understand and appreciate he is right in this situation with me and I know it has taken its toll on him. But when your partner comes to you and tells you they are struggling with depression again, you don’t get angry.

We are at present in a very precarious financial position with regards to his business. Every day is about wondering if we are going to meet our bills and pay the huge debt, amassed as a result of his business, not to mention the other 8 debts we currently are trying to pay off, not to mention our day-to-day living expenses.

We are not in a position to consolidate our debts and reduce the repayments, because of his self-employed status. And moving to a smaller and cheaper rental is not possible as we have no savings with which to move. Stuck between a rock and a hard place comes to mind right now.

I accept my part in our circumstances, I know what I could have done differently but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Bankruptcy is the next step if we can’t get out of this funk.

Having taken over the reins of our personal bills and rent I am hoping we will improve our situation. It will take one step at a time.

As is the case with Depression.

If you are new to mental health issues, it is difficult to recognise the signs but once you have been there, you know when you are not right.

If you have a lot of days where you feel down and sad, where you struggle to even get out of bed, you find no joy in anything in life, you go about life like you are in a fog. You need to reach out. Talk to a friend or family. Seek out your Doctor, they can refer you on for counselling. There are so many Helplines that specialise in counselling people with mental health issues. With the internet we have access to so many websites that can offer help.

We are all worthwhile, we all deserve to live. Sometimes even the strongest of us can’t cope with life and all its ups and downs. It is okay to admit when you need help. Just reach out.

If you are being bullied at school or work, talk to your parents and teachers, bosses and co workers. You are not alone. Having been a part of a number of support groups I know for a fact we are not alone. So many suffer in silence and it shouldn’t be this way. Don’t feel shame or guilt. It is perfectly natural to have moments where you find you can’t cope. We all have them.

Mental health issues are not something to be ashamed of, just because society at large still believes in the stereotypical images of a mentally ill person. We are not all straight jacket material and we don’t all go round screaming and dribbling, babbling incoherently. So many of us are high functioning. We go to work, raise families, attend school, serve you at the store, walk by you in the street, sit next to you on the train or bus.

The media and movie industries have created an image of a person with mental health issues as someone who is dangerous to the community and that is certainly not the case in about 99% of cases.

Hold your head high and tell someone what you are feeling. Ask for help, but most of all be willing to accept that help. You will be so grateful you did.

 

 

 

Taking Life by the Horns Part 2

Taking Life by the Horns Part 2

When I first started my blog post yesterday I didn’t realise it would become a series. So I apologise for the length. Maybe because this particular subject involves change over time and examining our thinking, beliefs and decision-making processes, that’s why this subject has taken on a life of its own.

In order to change our lives for the better, we really need to take a good, long, hard look at ourselves and work out how and in what ways, we contribute to how our lives evolve. I am not saying we are to blame for everything that has gone wrong with our lives, or the way we were treated as children or as adults. When someone treats you badly and they have no reason to, then the blame is squarely on the other person’s shoulders. It is how we react and if we continue to allow people to treat us that way, as well as letting it affect us over a long period.

How we are raised as children and how our parents, siblings and extended family acted around us, teaches us about the world. If our parents had only our best interests at heart and taught us the life lessons we needed to learn in a safe and loving environment, we tend to grow up as healthy adults and tend not to make bad decisions or take things too personally when things go wrong or people are unkind to us.

Every time someone treated you badly or called you names, put you down, criticized you, bullied you, disrespected you, it wrote on the slate of who you are (to quote my favourite Psychologist Dr Phil), and the younger you are the more damage it can do.

If we were raised to believe we were worthless, and were made to feel worthless often enough we began to believe it, to the point it became so ingrained in our psyche that we would automatically think it not realising we had actually had that thought.

I believe the first part of changing your life for the better is to change your thinking, and in order to do that, we have to catch ourselves out when we have these demeaning thoughts and question why we automatically think that way. What caused us to believe this about ourselves. Where did it come from. Was it your parent who told you, you were annoying or stupid or useless, every time you did something wrong in their eyes? Was it a school teacher or a sibling, that made you feel so stupid? Or were you bullied in school or even in a job by a co-worker or boss? It could be any number of situations that contributed to our beliefs about ourselves.

I found writing the thought on a piece  of paper and question whether that thought was valid, in my case, feelings of worthlessness, helped.  Think about moments when I felt this way, what event triggered this thought. I would question the thought’s validity. Is this true?  I would write down all the things about me that proved I wasn’t worthless, all the things I was good at, all my achievements. Think of instances when I was made to feel worthless and who was involved. Whatever came to mind I would write it down, no matter how strange or trivial it might seem at the time. And then once I understood why I had that thought in the first place and what the triggers were that caused this thought I would work out something that I could replace that thought with. Affirmations are a great way of changing your thought processes, Louise Hay is a great person to start with. She has a book that is all about this very subject. You Can Heal Your Life. And she also provides a lot of affirmations to help you change your thinking.  Dr Wayne W Dyer, is another person who used affirmations.

Changing how we think is a process, it can’t be changed overnight. But you have to want to change in the first place. You have to do the work, You have to catch yourself thinking these thoughts. And you need to question them.

It is the same with beliefs. Write down a list of beliefs you may have about yourself and others and life in general and question whether each belief is valid, or if it works for you. And if it doesn’t then brain storm about what you think would suit you better or is more positive.

One thing I want everyone to remember. Don’t apply absolutes to what you think and feel and believe. Don’t say to yourself, “That was a bad thought and I shouldn’t be thinking that way.” Because this is where we all go wrong. We tend to believe those thoughts that allow us to believe we are not a good person, or decisions that end up going pear-shaped are more a case of things not working for us and we all should consider something different. And come up with suitable replacements.

All too often, and we are all guilty of this at one time or another, think of people as being negative, or bad or toxic. And the same with thoughts and beliefs, and decisions. The spiritual/new age community can be terrible for it. As children maybe our parents scolded us for being angry or sad, and dismissed the feelings we were having, making us believe these emotions were not acceptable.

Our emotions are normal and a natural part of being human, we wouldn’t have them if we weren’t meant to. It is how we deal with them and process them and then let them go that is the important part. Don’t feel bad because you are angry about something, there is a reason why you feel that way. Acknowledge your anger and the reason behind it. And then let it go. Often we have emotions associated with certain thoughts and beliefs and they came feelings of guilty, anxiety etc. Take note of these emotions and consider why you feel this way.

It’s all about paying attention to this wonderful mind of ours.

Looks like there will be more parts to this Blog. Stay tuned for Part 3.