Crazy Making People

Crazy Making People

With Social Media opening up the world as much as it has, we are more likely to come in contact with people who just like to the stir the pot. They can not have an intelligent conversation without trying to incite a reaction. It seems they are so angry or disillusioned with their life they have to create a controversy.

We all have our opinions and we have the right to voice them, others may not agree with us but that is okay. We can have a debate without trying to confuse and annoy people. It’s as if these kinds of people get their jollies by using crazy-making comments. Their intent isn’t to have a conversation with anyone, they just have to refute what everyone else is saying without having any knowledge or evidence to the contrary. It’s like a game to them.

So often in the past I found myself getting angry and trying to get my point across to people who have no intention of listening to another point of view.

Now I choose to concede defeat, it lets the wind out of their sails. There is no point in arguing with someone who just wants to argue for the sake of it. The point is there are so many wonderful people in the world who will be willing to discuss a subject with intelligence and respect.

I had one such conversation this very day. I knew immediately what he was about but I wanted to see how far he would take it.  He talked in circles and really only wanted to cause trouble, if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I was dealing with a narcissist who was bored. It was funny I paid him a compliment, admitted defeat and left the conversation. He continued to post comments for a while, dozens in fact, hoping I would bite.

It makes me laugh that people can be like this but hey it takes all kinds. Good luck to you Brendan.

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Connections

Connections

Humans are rather curious creatures. We often feel the need to connect with others as a way of feeling like we belong, we fit in. We are at heart social creatures.

We crave touch and connection, we feel the need to belong to a pack. We need to know our place in the world. Centuries ago we didn’t have to deal with this kind of need, because we always belonged somewhere. Large families, small villages and communities, Farming communities where the work load was shared. But today we find ourselves living a very disconnected existence.

With the ability to travel further we have ventured out of our little communities in search of adventure and now find ourselves separated from our kind, our family. We strive to build and own bigger homes and our families are smaller. Where once an entire family would live in a small apartment or house, sometimes more that 4 children and often our parents would live with us, we are now having fewer children and we are living our lives in so much space, to the point where a family of two adults and two children are so disconnected they live in separate parts of one house. Often using phones and texting to communicate with one another.

Then there is the other side to this. We crave so much that connection with another human being that we often settle for someone who may not have the best of intentions. Or may have had a life where they feel they are owed and they use others for the sole purpose of fulfilling their ego needs. Often they are damaged individuals themselves.

This often happens in an abusive relationship. A vulnerable person is targeted by someone who has the need to control and be in control, in spite of the fact their life is so out of control. They often suppress their true identity till they have lured their victim into their web of lies and falseness. It is only then that they reveal their true visage.

As children we need parents and significant adults to give us that connection, to provide us with a protective environment, where we can feel safe and as we grow we venture out into the world and discover what it has to offer. But not all children come from this kind of situation, some spend their entire childhood terrified of upsetting their parents or siblings. Being subjected to abuse in a number of ways. Being emotionally neglected is a painful experience. People you thought were there for you did not live up to their responsibilities.

So as adults we venture out into the world with a skewed way of thinking and believing. We have grown up believing this dysfunction is perfect normal and as a result we seek relationships that mirror what we know, not realising this isn’t what we need. We have a subconscious desire to get the love from the very people who should have loved us unconditionally, who should have been there for us.

This is why we feel drawn to those predators who prey on our weaknesses and exploit it. Our souls are stripped bare and we have no will left to find a better way to live. A part of us is aware of the dysfunction but we believe we deserve no better.

We need to connect again as communities, and to some degree we have done this with the help of Facebook and other forms of social media. Unfortunately, it has also provided an environment for the predators among us and because we can’t see their faces or physical presence we are even more vulnerable. We are even less likely to realise who we are dealing with.

Trust our instincts when it comes to people. There is a part of us that signals when something is not right and we need to trust that. Our need for nurturance is what gets in our way. We have begun to believe we can only be whole if we connect with others and yet each one of us has the ability to provide that nurturance and connection for ourselves.

We are born whole and complete, we have everything we need.

 

 

 

 

 

The Scheme of Things

The Scheme of Things

I suppose we all have our way of dealing with life’s hiccups and the things that go wrong, the mistakes we make in life. It may seem a bit crazy to someone else but if it works and these issues get sorted, then what does it matter.

But then there are those who, rather than admit their mistakes, they blame others, and take their anger and disappointment, as well as their feelings of failure out on someone else. Especially if that person happens to have a lot of the life skills one needs to deal with failure and sorting problems out.

They bully and abuse their victims, even using the silent treatment and doing everything to make their victims feel like it is their fault the abuser messed.

Rather than accept responsibility for what went wrong and see what part they played in it, they never seem to understand and realise the impact their behaviour, decisions and choices and how it led to the problems they now face. And this is where the scheming part comes in, another hair-brained plan comes to fruition where they can continue to follow the same path they have always done.

They hang onto this scheme like a dog with an old bone, it doesn’t matter how many times they fail they just keep at the same old tired routine and wonder why it never works out for the better. Meanwhile their victims are left licking their wounds wondering what happened. Their poor victims not only has to sort out the mess that was left behind, they also have to struggle daily with the uncertainty of life with this person.

So many people often question why someone would want to stay in this situation, but what they don’t understand is the frame of mind of the victim. Imagine day in and day out someone makes little remarks about you and what you do and say, they bully you, everything is said to demean your self-esteem, you are made to question your sanity and abilities, you question your relationship skills, you wonder what you did that could have caused them to turn on you in such a way. But because you don’t have the mind of the Schemer, the abuser, the manipulator, you can never begin to understand what goes on in their minds.

Being worn down every day, like a river does to a rock, you don’t notice the damage until it is done. Whatever independence you had, self-esteem, financial security, has been whittled away till there is nothing left.

And the schemer continues about their business, unaware of the damage they have done to another human being,  not understanding the pain they have inflicted, and all simply because they have dealt with their own pain in the only way they know how, but don’t understanding the consequences of what they have done.

The damage done to the psyche of the victims, the impact on their financial as well as physical and mental well-being. And the Schemer goes about their business happy and content because they got their way and they can continue to behave exactly has they have always done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

World Chaos

World Chaos

There are days when I struggle to live in this world and it is not that I have mental health issues that are pushing me to suicide. Mind you I do have mental health issues I deal with every day.

It is the people in this world.

We, as a race, have become greedy, angry, violent, disrespectful, nasty and hateful.

Today my partner and I had to get the police involved over a neighbour situation. It started with some kids throwing eggs and rocks at the house we currently rent, this began about 3 years ago. We don’t know these children and have never given them any reason to do this but they have taken it upon themselves to terrorise us for want of a better word. We only knew for sure one of the parents involved and approached this person a number of times.

One afternoon these kids were throwing rocks on the roof and then decided to throw a full can of Coke over the fence. It missed my partner’s head by inches, it could have knocked him out or even killed him, but all we heard were giggles as they hid behind the fence.

It would stop for a while and then start again out of the blue.

Now we are the kind of people who will be polite and friendly to our neighbours but we keep to ourselves and don’t involve ourselves in our neighbours lives. We watch our noise levels and don’t bother anyone. We have NEVER given these children any reason to behave the way they do.

One morning early in the recent school holidays, I was woken by a shower of rocks hitting the roof and this went on for about 15 minutes. I called the police and snuck outside to see if I could catch a photo of the kids responsible. A report was put on the police system but no police vehicle showed up, because by the time I got a call back from Police the kids had stopped and disappeared.

I put a post in a local chat group mentioning the street I lived in and wanted to warn the parents concerned that the police had been notified. A lot of abuse online and one father coming over to our house to see the photo I had taken, proving two of his children were involved. But I must praise him because the rock throwing stopped from that day.

But then it turned into peeping tom activity over the back fence. It came to a head and my partner went around to the kids to ask them to leave us alone. Next thing we know this same father from the previous time came over and abused us telling us he would punch us both in the face if we ever bothered his kids again. We were accused of all sorts of things. My partner being accused of being a pervert because he wears cut off shorts. He even threatened me.

It has come down to us both feeling unsafe in our home and wary of being in our back yard or the possibility of repercussions.

This is just a personal situation, but now we have a world leader accused of using the Russian Government to help rig an election.

Too many parents being abusive towards their children, domestic violence is on the rise, Road rage is the new thing now. On line bullying is horrendous. Children being bullied to death by cruel individuals who think it is funny.

This world is corrupt and I am not at all sure if this can be fixed.

There are many of us who try to lead with our hearts and our compassion. So many spiritually minded people from all races and religions working together to make this world a better place, but is it really making any difference?. So many cruel soulless people running rough shod over any one who gets in their way.

The longer I live the more I am compelled to pack up and find a secluded place where I can live out the rest of my years in peace and quiet, and not have to deal with this horrible world.

So much cruelty and hatred.

A Narcissistic Mother

A Narcissistic Mother

In 2012 I found the many answers I searched for, for years. It took a few visits to ER with palpitations and other heart related symptoms and numerous tests later and I was advised to see a psychologist for evaluation. I am so glad I did. With the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) I discovered who I was and the gaping black hole inside was finally filled. My severe Anxiety and bouts of Depression were finally explained.

The best day of my life was walking into that private room to meet my psychologist Damien, he was my second saviour. My first being my Dad. We sat and talked and questions were asked, he set me homework and got me to do some tests. It was at this point I was totally stunned by the diagnosis. It never occurred to me that I could have a mental health issue.

Living with a feeling of never fitting in or belonging, a mother who could never open her heart to me, the constant criticism, never enough, the feelings of worthlessness, the constant need to please, the emptiness that plagued much of my life. I believed I was no good. Damien taught me some fantastic skills that freed me from my crippling anxiety, today I am able to go pretty much any where and have little or no anxiety.

Being diagnosed Borderline was like coming home, to me. I finally belonged, I finally felt complete. But something niggled at me. I have always been someone who must have answers, to know the why’s and wherefores of everything. I knew there was just one missing link to my life puzzle. I had to understand why I drew certain people into my life and why I chose the men I do.

The day I walked into Damien’s office I had begun a journey I knew would take me to some painful and heartbreaking times in my life. My instinct was telling me I had to do whatever it was to find the answers.

About a week ago I saw an article in my Facebook news feed that really caught my attention. I had read several articles, etc on this particular subject because I had been drawn to it at every turn.

NARCISSISTIC MOTHER – DIVIDE AND CONQUER.

I clicked on the link and found myself reading about the very person who gave birth to me and raised me, for want of a better word. In that moment I knew my mother could never have loved me, because she was incapable of love.

Narcissists are incapable of genuine unconditional love, they act and emote solely out of selfishness and self-involvement. There are the Narcissists who are arrogant and seem to succeed in life, those who have delusions of grandeur. But the worst and most insidious of the narcissists are the ones who hate themselves and inflict pain on others, deny their victims feelings and needs all to feel superior and get off on destroying another person. They have no conscience, and are incapable of any genuine kindness or love. These narcissists wear a mask of being kind and caring and humanitarian, they are hard to spot. Charm and charisma is their weapon against their victims. And they suck their victims dry of every ounce of self-esteem, independence and energy. They are the chameleons of the human world, wearing whatever mask they need in order to get their narcissistic supply. To the outside world they seem quite genuine and will fool even the most astute person into believing the lie they live.

I could write volumes about the Narcissists of the world.

What I want to say here is, once I realised the truth about my mother, I was finally free. I knew I could never be enough for my mother but that is okay with me. I never hurt my mother or judged her, I was never cruel toward her, I loved her with all my heart and I spent so much of my life punishing myself for her sins. I don’t hate my mother because the one thing I realise is she was a very damaged and broken individual. And I forgave her.

I don’t for one second, condone her treatment of me but I understand it. We all make choices about how we live our lives and treat others. Every decision we make or action we take is a choice, and we make these choices, etc based on what we know at the time. I learned as a child to cope with my childhood, in a dysfunctional way because it worked to appease my mother. But as an adult I continued to live this way, and I couldn’t understand why my life was as it was. It is because I made choices based on my set of coping skills from my child hood. I made the choice to continue as I had always done, instead of finding a different way of being.

In the last few years I have learned and had to discover new ways of coping and living, it has been extremely hard, but it has so been worth it. My father apologised for the way my mother was, he apologised for taking the easy way when it came to dealing with my mother, but the good thing about my dad, he more than made up for it after my mother died.

Some of the surprising things I have discovered about my mother, was she had four children. I had two brothers and one sister. But none of them were to my father in spite of her passing off the brother, I knew existed, as my father’s son. My eldest cousin turned out to be my eldest brother and when he reached out to get to know me, he was stopped. The one regret I have is not getting to know him, as he died in 1994.

The brother I grew up with turned out to be a child molester as I was his first victim. Recently I was able to confront him and put his abuse squarely back on his shoulders.

Letting go of the past is cathartic, it saved my life. I don’t hate anyone, I am able to look back and realise everything that happened made me who I am today. I am the strongest person I know, and I don’t give up. I know my father loved me unconditionally and I will always love him for that. I know I was loved, and I never failed anyone or let anyone down.

Healing is key.