World Chaos

World Chaos

There are days when I struggle to live in this world and it is not that I have mental health issues that are pushing me to suicide. Mind you I do have mental health issues I deal with every day.

It is the people in this world.

We, as a race, have become greedy, angry, violent, disrespectful, nasty and hateful.

Today my partner and I had to get the police involved over a neighbour situation. It started with some kids throwing eggs and rocks at the house we currently rent, this began about 3 years ago. We don’t know these children and have never given them any reason to do this but they have taken it upon themselves to terrorise us for want of a better word. We only knew for sure one of the parents involved and approached this person a number of times.

One afternoon these kids were throwing rocks on the roof and then decided to throw a full can of Coke over the fence. It missed my partner’s head by inches, it could have knocked him out or even killed him, but all we heard were giggles as they hid behind the fence.

It would stop for a while and then start again out of the blue.

Now we are the kind of people who will be polite and friendly to our neighbours but we keep to ourselves and don’t involve ourselves in our neighbours lives. We watch our noise levels and don’t bother anyone. We have NEVER given these children any reason to behave the way they do.

One morning early in the recent school holidays, I was woken by a shower of rocks hitting the roof and this went on for about 15 minutes. I called the police and snuck outside to see if I could catch a photo of the kids responsible. A report was put on the police system but no police vehicle showed up, because by the time I got a call back from Police the kids had stopped and disappeared.

I put a post in a local chat group mentioning the street I lived in and wanted to warn the parents concerned that the police had been notified. A lot of abuse online and one father coming over to our house to see the photo I had taken, proving two of his children were involved. But I must praise him because the rock throwing stopped from that day.

But then it turned into peeping tom activity over the back fence. It came to a head and my partner went around to the kids to ask them to leave us alone. Next thing we know this same father from the previous time came over and abused us telling us he would punch us both in the face if we ever bothered his kids again. We were accused of all sorts of things. My partner being accused of being a pervert because he wears cut off shorts. He even threatened me.

It has come down to us both feeling unsafe in our home and wary of being in our back yard or the possibility of repercussions.

This is just a personal situation, but now we have a world leader accused of using the Russian Government to help rig an election.

Too many parents being abusive towards their children, domestic violence is on the rise, Road rage is the new thing now. On line bullying is horrendous. Children being bullied to death by cruel individuals who think it is funny.

This world is corrupt and I am not at all sure if this can be fixed.

There are many of us who try to lead with our hearts and our compassion. So many spiritually minded people from all races and religions working together to make this world a better place, but is it really making any difference?. So many cruel soulless people running rough shod over any one who gets in their way.

The longer I live the more I am compelled to pack up and find a secluded place where I can live out the rest of my years in peace and quiet, and not have to deal with this horrible world.

So much cruelty and hatred.

The Black Dog is Yapping at My Heels

The Black Dog is Yapping at My Heels

Anyone who has had Depression knows what the Black Dog is. Another bout of Depression has snuck up on me. At this point I am not suicidal but I struggle to find any good in my day. I feel teary on some days out of the blue, getting out of bed is a struggle.

When I realised what was happening I decided in that moment to do something about it. I had an online assessment done and have signed up for a Wellbeing course run by professionals. I know of online counselling available so if I feel the need to talk to someone I know where to go.

My husband’s reaction wasn’t as supportive as I had hoped, He seemed to make it all about him when we had the conversation about how I have been feeling lately. I understand and appreciate he is right in this situation with me and I know it has taken its toll on him. But when your partner comes to you and tells you they are struggling with depression again, you don’t get angry.

We are at present in a very precarious financial position with regards to his business. Every day is about wondering if we are going to meet our bills and pay the huge debt, amassed as a result of his business, not to mention the other 8 debts we currently are trying to pay off, not to mention our day-to-day living expenses.

We are not in a position to consolidate our debts and reduce the repayments, because of his self-employed status. And moving to a smaller and cheaper rental is not possible as we have no savings with which to move. Stuck between a rock and a hard place comes to mind right now.

I accept my part in our circumstances, I know what I could have done differently but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Bankruptcy is the next step if we can’t get out of this funk.

Having taken over the reins of our personal bills and rent I am hoping we will improve our situation. It will take one step at a time.

As is the case with Depression.

If you are new to mental health issues, it is difficult to recognise the signs but once you have been there, you know when you are not right.

If you have a lot of days where you feel down and sad, where you struggle to even get out of bed, you find no joy in anything in life, you go about life like you are in a fog. You need to reach out. Talk to a friend or family. Seek out your Doctor, they can refer you on for counselling. There are so many Helplines that specialise in counselling people with mental health issues. With the internet we have access to so many websites that can offer help.

We are all worthwhile, we all deserve to live. Sometimes even the strongest of us can’t cope with life and all its ups and downs. It is okay to admit when you need help. Just reach out.

If you are being bullied at school or work, talk to your parents and teachers, bosses and co workers. You are not alone. Having been a part of a number of support groups I know for a fact we are not alone. So many suffer in silence and it shouldn’t be this way. Don’t feel shame or guilt. It is perfectly natural to have moments where you find you can’t cope. We all have them.

Mental health issues are not something to be ashamed of, just because society at large still believes in the stereotypical images of a mentally ill person. We are not all straight jacket material and we don’t all go round screaming and dribbling, babbling incoherently. So many of us are high functioning. We go to work, raise families, attend school, serve you at the store, walk by you in the street, sit next to you on the train or bus.

The media and movie industries have created an image of a person with mental health issues as someone who is dangerous to the community and that is certainly not the case in about 99% of cases.

Hold your head high and tell someone what you are feeling. Ask for help, but most of all be willing to accept that help. You will be so grateful you did.

 

 

 

Taking Life by the Horns Part 4

In summary, we need to listen to what we think about ourselves and what we believe about ourselves. Question whether this is valid or true and replace the negative thoughts and beliefs with more positive ones. Give yourself a break if you make a mistake, and realise it is human to make mistakes, that is how we are supposed to learn about life and how not to make the same mistake again.

If we put the blame on others, etc we will never accept responsibility for how we create the course of our lives. It’s not about blame it is about being aware of how we are perceived by others and the impressions we give off and contribute to the course our life takes.

Think about things a little more. If you are someone for whom things tend to go wrong no matter what you do, think about what you are about to do or commit yourself to. Taking out some form of credit, for instance, do you need that full amount that you are being offered or can you do with a smaller amount, it makes a big difference in the repayments and interest you pay.

If you tend to end up in abusive relationships or your relationships all seem to be the same. Then think about why this happens, question whether you have an unconscious belief that this is what you feel you deserve. How someone treats you is solely up to them, and often how they are with you can be a reflection of what they think and believe about themselves. Others will do what they do, you have to decide whether they are treating you with respect or not and then whether you want to be treated that way or not.

Parents make mistakes, as do teachers and other significant people who cross your path, accept this about them and realise you deserve better. It really is all about what we are willing to let into our lives and put up with.

Realising your part in everything that happens to you is half way to getting a better life. You can only change you and how you think, what you believe and how others treat you.

It is up to you not to put yourself in a position where everything falls apart. If you are going to take on a loan or mortgage, really think about the possible outcomes and consequences of what you are doing. The same works for relationships and life in general.

And if you want to be happy, then be happy, that is a conscious choice. Happiness can’t be found in things or jobs or relationships or the perfect house. It is found within you.

Make a decision to look for the positive and good in everything. Because there is always something good in everything. Mistakes are made and difficulties come about, to teach us something, or to make way for something so much better. Life is full of ups and downs, how you react and what you do is what matters most. Have an escape plan or a contingency plan for every situation you find yourself in. Play the What If game. Answer that question. What if I lose my job, what will I do? Answer those questions and then if something happens or goes wrong, you will know what to do.

Think smarter, take time when making decisions and realise what you have got going for you and what is great about your life. And be kind and gentle to yourself.

Taking Life by the Horns Part 3

Taking Life by the Horns Part 3

Never for a second did I think this would become a saga. Obviously when I started this I really didn’t comprehend how much I had to share on this subject.

Decisions made can affect our lives ten fold. Some are the kind to make a decision on the spur of the moment and usually get it right. There are those who carefully think everything through, weighing up the pros and cons and get it right every time. And then there are those of us, no matter whether it is a spur of the moment or carefully thought out, we mess up almost every time.

For instance, taking out a mortgage or a loan. These are major purchases, for a house, car, a holiday, renovations on a home, a boat, caravan, motor home. A house full of furniture, white goods, a TV and sound system.

We have become a society where we must have it now and often we upgrade just for the hell of it, rather than because something has broken down or no longer serves our needs. Like a bar fridge in a house with 2 adults and 4 children, just doesn’t work.

Say you are buying a car. There are so many things to consider. Size of the vehicle, function and uses, availability and cost of repairs and parts, insurance, can you afford to pay the loan comfortably if you lose your job or take a pay cut when you change jobs? Do you have other loans and credit cards to take into consideration as well.

Do you choose the nice shiny car that you have always wished to own and is $50,000, or do you choose the car that suits you needs, your budget and costs say $20,000. But that nice shiny car you’ve always wanted and the car sales man is making you an offer you can’t refuse, is swinging your decision. Do you go with your heart or do you go with common sense?

How many of you have chosen the first option and six months down the track you can’t afford new tires or something needs fixing and it is too expensive to fix or you have lost your job and you can’t afford to make the payments. You either end up selling it and losing money, or you take on another crap job to make the payments, and take out a small loan to cover the expenses of repairs, etc. It becomes a vicious circle and you get further into debt.

So here is an example of how I would go about it.

I want to buy a place of my own, I am living in a place where monthly mortgage payments are much cheaper than rent. I have a good deposit and a great job. My partner hasn’t worked in six months but he has equity in a caravan and a good size boat, and we are okay financially. I also own a property in the city which has no mortgage and  I am renting it out. I see lots of lovely places, apartments, and houses, they are all good investments. There is only me and my partner so we only need a small place and we are both over 50 so the mortgage we would qualify for would have to be paid out in 15 years, not the usual 25-30 yrs.

There is this lovely 3 bd/2bth  house near the beach but it is $400,000 and we have to sell everything like the caravan, boat and our extra car to get the deposit together as well as what we have in savings. The place also has two yards which need upkeep and mowing and neither of us are gardeners.

Or do we find a 2 bd apartment or duplex that is half the price, has a lot of facilities like a gorgeous swimming pool and is also near the beach, we can keep both cars and the boat, and we can comfortably afford the repayments, being half of what we would be paying on the $400,000 property.

Me personally I would take the small apartment, because we would still have assets to sell in an emergency, and we could live comfortably on one wage and would be able to keep some savings aside, just in case.

So many would take the bigger house and to hell with the consequences. And often end up losing everything in the process. So many people struggle with debts they can’t afford and even worse don’t change their regular spending habits to make debt repayment easier.

So many people still go out to dinner with friends or buy lunch everyday, have the latest phone, buy coffees, have to have that new dress to go to that party. And when they get into trouble financially they don’t know how to cope. You could get another job, take out short-term loans to get by. But does that really work. As far as I am aware, taking out more loans to cover the ones you already have, doesn’t work.

We have forgotten to live within our means. But also part of it has a lot to do with not realising the consequences of our actions, not having enough foresight to realise that we are extending ourselves a bit too thinly.

Our thoughts and beliefs can also play a part in this. If we believe we are better and more acceptable if we have the big house and the flashy car, the 2.4 kids, and live a certain lifestyle, then commonsense doesn’t come into it. I would rather drive that little car I can afford to pay even if I lose my job and live in that small place and know I can sleep at night without stressing about finances. I would rather have a second-hand small screen TV than have to continue working in a job that I hate and which will eventually wear me out. I would have a few little black dresses that can be dressed up or down and tend to be nondescript and wear them over and over again without anyone realising I am wearing the same old dress every time I go out. I like to know I get my money’s worth out of something.

I think we all need to consider things more, take our time making decisions. And live a better life.

 

 

 

 

 

Taking Life by the Horns Part 1

Taking Life by the Horns Part 1

We so often wish we had better lives, that things would work out better for us. Why do we have so many things going wrong in our lives and it never seems to change. We work hard and diligently but it’s always the same day in, day out.

Part of making a change in our lives is to realise our part in how it turns out. We can blame a myriad of things. My parents are to blame for how I turned out, I was abused, I am justified in my actions because everyone else does the same, or no one cares. Too much competition. People taking advantage of my kindness and need to help others. You name it. We come up with so many excuses for what is wrong with our lives.

But has it ever occurred to anyone that maybe, we brought this all on ourselves. And I can hear you all objecting as I type, hey, I was one of those who said I didn’t ask for this, it’s not my fault. And it isn’t all our fault. Circumstances lead to a particular outcome and outside influences do affect what happens. But we make choices and decisions every day that affect what happens in our lives. And our thoughts and self beliefs have a profound affect on what we choose or decide to do.

I will try to put a different perspective on this, in the hope I can get my point across.

How many times have you hear this saying? What you put out to the universe comes back to you” Or variants of this same sentiment.

It’s true.

If you believe you are going to fail, you will and all your actions and decisions will gear you towards that outcome. And often we don’t even realise we have these beliefs about ourselves.

For years I believed I was worthless and had the thought that as long as I was useful and worked hard, and kept my head down and not made trouble I had value. But once my health and age slowed me down and I wasn’t able to do what I used to, I thought it was my time to die  because I had outlived my usefulness. What I didn’t realise was our usefulness, for want of a better word, changes throughout life. And life has a funny way of showing you how wrong you can be and letting you know when something isn’t working for you.

How many of you have debt and not matter what you seem to do, it just never seems to get sorted or paid off? Have you been known to take out more debt to pay for car repairs, or to make payments on the debts you already have? Do you just make the minimum payments and do you have redraw facilities on loans and mortgages? And how many of you use this redraw facility when things go pear-shaped and you can’t pay your rent or bills. Please understand that taking out more debt to pay for life’s expenses and to cover other debts is senseless, you just dig yourself in deeper, and this adds more stress to your already stressful financial situation.

How many of you have said, “I’ll just earn more money or take a second job”. But you soon find you are no better off than you were before.

Have any of you thought about looking at why you got into debt in the first place?

Why did you need to have that $20,000 car when you could have easily done just as well with a $10,000 car? Did you really need to go on that overseas holiday you needed to borrow $5,000 for? Or did you really need to buy that new dress for that party or did you already have some really great dresses sitting in your wardrobe that would have done just fine. And it’s not just the women. Did you really need to get that top of range Drill when you only ever go into your man shed once in a while and that new drill is just sitting in it’s box collecting dust because you only manage to use it a couple of times a year.

Do you see where I am going here?

I remember years ago I had to have this $150 pair of Italian handmade leather shoes. Spent weeks paying them off via a layaway plan. I could have paid two weeks rent with that money. And you know what, I never wore them, because as I realised they weren’t that comfortable, so they sat in my closet for about 10 years until I gave them away to charity.

We make a choice to spend money we don’t have in order to feel like we are part of something. We get ourselves into situations that we really don’t consider fully before we make a decision. And that is why we find ourselves in situations like being in so much debt we don’t know how to get out.

It is the same with life’s little ups and downs.

We need to begin to look at how we think and what we believe about ourselves and consider the consequences more fully before we makes choices.

In my next blog I will look more closely at why we think as we do and make the choices and decisions we do. Why we make mistakes and can’t seem to understand why things happen as they do. So till next time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good for Bad

Good for Bad

We all have good and bad in our lives, it is what we do with it that really defines our life’s course and who we become.

When a difficult situation arises as it often does, sometimes created by our own actions or of those around us, what do we do?, What are we supposed to do? That is down to the individual and their specific set of skills.

From birth we learn skills to be able to function in life, whether it be from our parents and those around us or, we learn through making mistakes, there could be many contributing factors. They can be as simple as learning to feed ourselves to the most complicated of skills, like building something from scratch. But it doesn’t just involve physical skills like the above mentioned. It includes life skills like coping with grief and those curve balls life has a habit of throwing at us, especially when we least expect it. Some of us learn dysfunctional skills, that may work at the time when we most needed them but in real life they just don’t work.

So a bad situation arises and all too often we tend to blame other people involved or situations that may be a contributing factor. Some people are able to accept their part in it without even thinking about it and change their behaviour, choices, tactics to fix the problem. We are all so good at focusing on the negative and complaining about it rather than finding a solution.

Many people seem to have a victim mentality and if that works for them well that is their choice. And believe me we all have it in us to play the victim. I have been guilty of it myself, and recently too.

I find myself in a bad situation at present, and on occasion I resort to the blame game, but I also look at the part I played in it. I know what I could have done different but I chose to take the easy way out. I can only control what I do from now on. There are certain factors I cannot change or even have an impact upon. I can only make my actions positive from here on in,and work toward an objective that I set for myself. Bad will happen, it is up to you as an individual to do your part and focus on what you could have done better or different and come up with a plan to solve the problem.

Sometimes I feel bitter and resentful that others involved, continue to behave in exactly the same way without dealing with the consequences, without accepting responsibility for their actions and decisions. But going down that road is detrimental to my mental health and well-being. I can only give so much of myself before I am depleted. I can’t change someone else. I can only work to ensure the vulnerability I feel, at this particular time in my life diminishes and eventually no longer exists.

Focusing on the bitterness and resentment, playing the blame game, only serves to keep me in a rut and not taking responsibility for my life and choices. I can’t fix someone else’s problems if they don’t want to fix them themselves. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. You can offer all the sound, experience based advice and opinions in the world but if someone isn’t listening, you are wasting your breath and energy.

It is so easy to fall into negative habits, but in the long run does it really serves us for the better, we may get sympathy for a while but it doesn’t change anything. And we end up focusing on all the bad that has happened to us and miss the wonderful opportunities that will so easily pass us by if we aren’t looking.

I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions, but I will make a promise to myself to change my bad habits that take me to that negative place, and take responsibility for my actions, work to a more sound financial future. I will make sure I never put myself in the position where I literally don’t know whether I will still have a roof over my head tomorrow. I will stand up for myself, I will not give in to keep the peace and I will not allow anyone to manipulate me or disrespect me. I deserve a much better life, I have paid my price to the ferry man. I refuse to put myself in situations that I have no control over. And if I find I have no control, I will not allow the situation to eat away at the good in me.

Reflection of the Year that Was.

Reflection of the Year that Was.

Looking back on the last year, I realise this hasn’t been a good year. In fact, neither was 2015. Financial struggles that seem to be on going and multiplying, new health problems, one business in the throes of possibly failing, its fate still uncertain.

A myriad of excuses can be found and used, but it ultimately comes down to myself and my partner. We made choices and decisions that gives us the situation we have today. It is so easy to blame the other person involved and a hundred other possible causes, new competition opened up, another business at the same market gained a bad reputation and it had a profound effect on our business, we can’t anticipate the weather, there were other markets and fairs on the same day. But do you increase your buying and reduce your prices to compensate?

I fully accept my part in this, I spoke my opinion when it was asked but what I should have done was pushed it home. I should have stood firm when I said no, not giving in to keep the peace. I know and understand my part in all of this and I am now working on a number of solutions to help begin to fix the problem.

Selling everything we can do with out is the first move, it won’t get us in front but it will get us through the next couple of weeks. And there are local charities around that will help with food and groceries for a small fee. Pride has nothing to do with this right now. We are in a precarious position and if we have to give up everything to get back on our feet then so be it.

The difficulty in parting with cherished items that once belonged to loved ones who have died, is the price I have to pay for my lack of affirmative action. But one thing I realise is, I still have a few wonderful photos and a lifetime of memories with each and every one of them. A few things will remain but they have no monetary value. I have these people and animals in my heart and that is all that matters.

My partner and I are desperately in need of a fresh start and I can only do what I can to make this happen. I cannot control him or what he does or doesn’t do. It’s not about a big screen TV or the latest DVD or a dragon statue or wolf picture, it is about survival, and keeping a roof over our heads and food on our table.

Maybe we need to get rid of everything to earn the fresh start we so desperately need. This is our price, for a better life. Letting go of things that serve no real purpose in our lives and are just dust collectors, to have the life we deserve. Who is to say….

Either way I am working towards 2017 being a much better year, and leaving the painful, negative past behind.