Do you ever feel like you are misunderstood? I get this frequently.

In fact most of my life. There is a certain percentage of people who have come into my  life as co workers and bosses, fellow market stall holders, friends  of friends, people you meet in passing, and for some reason they seem to sum me up in a micro second.

I have been labelled many things, a slut, a whore, a marriage wrecker, a cold bitch, rude, a liar, a thief, you name it. And this is all based on lies and impressions created by people who don’t know me.

At one job I was having sex with everything with a penis and this was according to one person who had spoken no more that a dozen words to me in the time we work in the same place. In truth, I was married at the time, admittedly the marriage was failing, but the last thing I wanted was to complicate it with having sex with anyone else. I had a reputation and I didn’t have to do anything to gain it. I never understood why this woman had it in for me, she hated me and that was that. I even tried to be friendly with her as I do with any one I work with, but she wouldn’t have it.

I have a stepdaughter, whose mother has a problem with me. I have always, always had my stepdaughter’s best interests at heart. From day one I made an effort not to bring my own personal feelings into the situation and respect this woman as the mother of my husband’s child. But after the a couple of interactions at pick up and drop off, her attitude towards me became disrespectful and rude. I have never spoken a bad word about this woman to her daughter and have on occasion explained to my step daughter why her mother sometimes does the things she does. I keep my personal feelings out of it. But her mother has not had the same respect or consideration for me. We have had nothing but problems with her from the beginning and had to go through the legal system twice to ensure my husband was able to have a relationship with his child, because her mother did her level best to stop visitation. My husband has always paid his share of support even when he was not required by law to do so.

About 4 years ago I was accused of sharing conversations that took place in a class I was taking at the time with other people who were associated with the teacher and her little clique of friends. It turns out this group of friends were having problems and a lot of bitchiness and backstabbing was going on. I apparently was a spy for the “Other side” and I instigated a lot of the trouble that went on. I only knew 5 members of this inner circle and I was friends with just one. Out of the other 4, one I know longer spoke to and hadn’t for 12 months and the other 3 were in the class I was attending, 1 being the teacher.

Until this one class when there was a mega bitch session between the teacher and two of my classmates, about the rift within this group of friends, I was totally unaware of the issues they were having. I was ostracised and eventually left the course as I just felt unwelcome. I wanted to finish the course but with another class later but the teacher sent me a message inferring I was unwelcome.

And now I face a situation where a woman I don’t know and haven’t been introduced to, who attends the same Markets as I do, doesn’t like to be situated near me. The very first time I attended the same market, she spoke to the organiser and was very unhappy about not being informed of my presence at the market. And the funny thing, yes we do sell two similar items but two, soy candles and incense. And even now she is still making it me that is the problem. I just don’t understand why she has a problem with me.

At school one of my friends was spreading rumours behind my back and yet was as nice as pie to my face. I caught shingles one time which is a form of Chicken Pox, and I just happened to have it in my throat as well as on my body. Everyone was told I had Venereal disease in my throat from giving too many head jobs.

All my life this has happened to me. I sometimes wonder if I have a tattoo on my forehead that tells people I am a patsy for their bitchiness, or I give off this scent that just irritates some people.

I am an introvert, I am innately shy and have been most of my life. I try to be friendly and respectful. I may not always run up to people and introduce myself and fawn all over them but I try to get to know people. Some say these people feel threatened but Why? What is so special about me that they need to feel this way?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I have issues with trusting people. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and try not to give off the impression of mistrust. Even if my instincts are telling me this person may not be what they seem, I get to know them.

There are many days when I just want to pack up everything and move somewhere remote when I don’t have to put up with this judgement. If these people have an issue with me say something, talk it out with me, don’t be a complete arsehole about it. Take the time to get to know me first before you go shooting your mouth off about me.

I just don’t understand it. And it just gets frustrating and old after a while. Just leave me alone, I am no harm or threat to you. I am just someone who wants to go about my way without it affecting or hurting too many people.

Some say it is more about the other person than it is about me, and maybe that is true but why is it okay for these people to judge me based on their own issues and problems. Why is it okay for them to say hurtful and disparaging things about me?




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