Before my biggest challenge with mental health issues, I considered myself quite the spiritual person and had dreams of becoming a healer of some kind. I had begun studies of the Tarot, which unfortunately turned out to be not quite what I thought it would be. And by this I am not talking about the Tarot itself, it is more the teacher who failed to inspire me. None of what she taught seemed to make sense. It was sad really because I believe she had great potential to be a wonderful teacher of the Tarot. But my belief is she was too caught up in ego-centred pursuits and this ruined it for me.
I realised quickly that the money I was paying, of which would have been the sum total of around $1500 at the end of the twelve month course, was a needless waste. I did however, keep the book she insisted I buy and the set of cards that were necessary to the course.
Four years later I opened the book and began to read and all of a sudden it began to make sense. The Fool was the one that opened my eyes. Some of the other major arcana cards are a bit more complicated, but I believe with time and doing what the author of the book advises, research the Tarot and find out all I can and my understanding will increase.
This particular instance is quite typical of the world of Psychics and Mediums, they may start out with the best of intentions but often the ego will take over and it becomes about the material benefits and attention. The best readers and healers are often quite humble and don’t see themselves as anything special. There are charlatans in every industry but, the spiritual world is like the medical profession, you are playing with people’s lives. The damage that can be done by someone who has developed a god complex, is far-reaching. Quite sensitive and fragile people go to Psychics, Healers and Mediums looking for answers to their problems, and in some cases beneath the fragility can be an underlying mental disorder that the reader/healer isn’t aware of and doesn’t have the skills to deal with.
During my healing time, I realised something about myself. I am an empath, but I am unable to use my ability as I tend to take on others emotions and find it difficult to deal with them. I have learned to cleanse myself and protect myself, but with my Borderline I am unable to deal with and process these alien emotions as a normal person would. I have shut down my empathy, and know that my ambitions to help people on a one on one basis is out of my reach.
So I write and I share my wisdom and what I have learned about life and my mental disorders, via various forms of social media. I sometimes miss being able to connect to people on such a personal level, but for my own sanity and well-being I choose to let it go.
A lot of what I clung to spiritually has now become less important to me. I still have my basic beliefs and practices, but I am nowhere near as involved as I used to be. It was like I was on a mission and I believe I was trying to find myself in this world.
I look back on my life and realise I have affected a lot of people and in a good way. Having had random meetings with strangers and they have walked away from our meeting feeling better about themselves and smiling. This is the key to happiness, to fulfilment, having a profound affect on people and they walk away feeling the better for it. And all it takes is one kind word or act, one selfless deed with no thought of reciprocation. The universe blesses you for your kindness.
I share my mental health issues with the world because it is time we, as a society, stopped looking at people as being not right or normal, because they don’t fit into a mould that was created by a small-minded majority. Stop buying into the stereotypes, open our eyes to the uniqueness of everyone, celebrate who we all are as we are. We all make mistakes, we all have our battles in life, just some of us have a few extra challenges along the way that we have to overcome.