We all have good and bad in our lives, it is what we do with it that really defines our life’s course and who we become.

When a difficult situation arises as it often does, sometimes created by our own actions or of those around us, what do we do?, What are we supposed to do? That is down to the individual and their specific set of skills.

From birth we learn skills to be able to function in life, whether it be from our parents and those around us or, we learn through making mistakes, there could be many contributing factors. They can be as simple as learning to feed ourselves to the most complicated of skills, like building something from scratch. But it doesn’t just involve physical skills like the above mentioned. It includes life skills like coping with grief and those curve balls life has a habit of throwing at us, especially when we least expect it. Some of us learn dysfunctional skills, that may work at the time when we most needed them but in real life they just don’t work.

So a bad situation arises and all too often we tend to blame other people involved or situations that may be a contributing factor. Some people are able to accept their part in it without even thinking about it and change their behaviour, choices, tactics to fix the problem. We are all so good at focusing on the negative and complaining about it rather than finding a solution.

Many people seem to have a victim mentality and if that works for them well that is their choice. And believe me we all have it in us to play the victim. I have been guilty of it myself, and recently too.

I find myself in a bad situation at present, and on occasion I resort to the blame game, but I also look at the part I played in it. I know what I could have done different but I chose to take the easy way out. I can only control what I do from now on. There are certain factors I cannot change or even have an impact upon. I can only make my actions positive from here on in,and work toward an objective that I set for myself. Bad will happen, it is up to you as an individual to do your part and focus on what you could have done better or different and come up with a plan to solve the problem.

Sometimes I feel bitter and resentful that others involved, continue to behave in exactly the same way without dealing with the consequences, without accepting responsibility for their actions and decisions. But going down that road is detrimental to my mental health and well-being. I can only give so much of myself before I am depleted. I can’t change someone else. I can only work to ensure the vulnerability I feel, at this particular time in my life diminishes and eventually no longer exists.

Focusing on the bitterness and resentment, playing the blame game, only serves to keep me in a rut and not taking responsibility for my life and choices. I can’t fix someone else’s problems if they don’t want to fix them themselves. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. You can offer all the sound, experience based advice and opinions in the world but if someone isn’t listening, you are wasting your breath and energy.

It is so easy to fall into negative habits, but in the long run does it really serves us for the better, we may get sympathy for a while but it doesn’t change anything. And we end up focusing on all the bad that has happened to us and miss the wonderful opportunities that will so easily pass us by if we aren’t looking.

I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions, but I will make a promise to myself to change my bad habits that take me to that negative place, and take responsibility for my actions, work to a more sound financial future. I will make sure I never put myself in the position where I literally don’t know whether I will still have a roof over my head tomorrow. I will stand up for myself, I will not give in to keep the peace and I will not allow anyone to manipulate me or disrespect me. I deserve a much better life, I have paid my price to the ferry man. I refuse to put myself in situations that I have no control over. And if I find I have no control, I will not allow the situation to eat away at the good in me.

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