I just listened to my neighbour and her young teenage son having a fight at the top of their voices. The son was using all the expletives known and probably others not so well-known. This is a regular occurrence. Recently he stayed at his Nanna’s place for a while, as his grandmother has no problems with him.

This is a single parent family, mother and two boys. I have never seen a father in the picture, don’t know the story behind this family. Grandma is a lovely lady, I have spoken to her briefly on a few occasions.

How this mother and son talk to each other is out right abuse. And I am told the mother has hit the boy in full view of the street. I haven’t seen this personally for myself.

Every time I hear this boy raise his voice to his mother, all I hear is pain and his cry for some connection with his mother. I have heard her call him a Fuck wit on one occasion. Excuse the language.

This boy has been acting out by throwing stones at our place, for no reason other than to show off in front of his friends. He thinks it is funny, but one time a full can of Coke came over the fence and nearly hit my husband in the head.

When a child challenges you the best way to deal is to not lower yourself to their level. They will throw tantrums and scream to get what they want. And when you choose to scream and yell at them, call them names and be negative toward them you are lowering yourself to their level. But above all you are telling them it is okay to behave that way. If mum and dad can yell and scream then why can’t I?

Children learn what they live. And if they throw a tantrum and get their way, they will continue to do what works to get them what they want.

Respect your children as human beings with feelings, every cruel word you speak to them they take on board and they feel it exponentially. A child’s brain hasn’t developed enough to differentiate between you being angry at them or their actions.

So many people have become complacent about all kinds of abuse. What can I do about it? It has nothing to do with me. You are watching another person destroying another person’s soul with their behaviour and words. Report it to the police, and child protection agencies. Contact your local member of Government. Take the parent aside and tell them what they are doing isn’t right. What ever it takes to stop this abuse.

We cannot stand idly by and let this go on. I have reported this and many incidents to the relevant authorities. And I am getting to the stage where I am going to approach the mother and tell her to get professional help. Your doctor can recommend lots of good parenting programmes that will help you to deal with behavioural issues with your children.

This boy is hurting and his mother can’t see it. She is too caught up in her own stuff to realise the damage she is doing. Children should be guided and educated and loved and accepted. If they do something wrong, talk to them about it, explain what the problem is but never at any point, denigrate them just because you are angry. Children are learning from the day they are born and we as parents and adults are their teachers. How many parents demand respect from their children, how about reciprocation of that very respect. As a human being your child deserves basic human respect and to be treated with kindness and love. Be  mindful that in order for them to do the right thing they need to be shown or encouraged to do the right thing.

Catch your son or daughter doing good, Celebrate their successes and triumphs. Ignore bad behaviour especially if it is specifically done to get a rise out of you. And if in public remove the child from the situation. Don’t say a word. If it means leaving shopping standing in the middle of the supermarket then, do it. Don’t raise your voice, don’t put them down. Be the adult and act like the adult and the one in control.

 

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