Sometimes a feeling of utter hopelessness settles on me, I know not where it came from. Is it the Anxiety or the Borderline? Or could it be the circumstances around me?
Money is always an issue. As each day comes and goes, we are never sure if we will make it through. The debts pile up. I struggle with the acceptance of our situation because I am unable to fix it. Under different circumstances with my health, I would have gone out and got a job, so I could at least take care of the necessities. But that is not the case. I am physically encumbered with health issues, as well as the Anxiety that restricts where I am able to work and with whom. I have no vehicle and public transport is out of the question.
I can only bring in a small income via whatever I can make and sell or with a new business venture I am about to take on. A typing service aimed at the job seekers market where I can provide resumes for a fee.
Living with someone who has no financial sense is a constant bane. NO common sense when it comes to making financial decisions but being the one with the income and the wherewithal to obtain finance, he has free rein on how much debt he can accrue.
I feel hopeless and helpless. And when I look to the future I see no change. Unless a lesson is learned we will live out what is left of our lives in poverty, uncertainty and struggle.
I squirrel away what little I can, but I need so much more. What do I do? This life has been my undoing once, will I allow it to happen again.?