I often wonder why some people are resistant to help when it comes to seeking and accepting help with mental health problems. What possesses them to not recognise a helping hand when they see one. There could be a number of reasons. One I think is FEAR.
Fear of the unknown, fear of what will I be like once I have overcome my depression or anxiety. Fear of wondering how you will function everyday once the depression and/or anxiety has been managed.
When living with any disease, you grow accustomed to a state of being, a state of limitation in some respects. You pretty much know what to expect every day and night. And the same can be said for Mental Health issues. Sometimes a mental health issue can plague you for many years, to the point where you have pretty much forgotten, what it is like not to be this way. You have a routine, a way of doing and dealing with things, and it is hard to break those habits.
I can remember having a momentary thought way back when, after the subject of getting professional help came up. I was afraid of the thought that I really was to blame, proving everything I believed about myself would be true. That there was something really wrong with me and I would be proved defective. No wonder why I was rejected by my mother. I didn’t realise then that this would be a good thing and that I would be able to heal from this point.
And so many people are this way. They don’t want to have to face up to the truth, they don’t want to let go of their fears, because without them what would they be?Without our beliefs about ourselves who are we?
I came to a stage where I was being hospitalised on a regular basis because of my anxiety, it was crippling to me. I had severe depression and I just wasn’t coping. I made a decision that anything had to be better than what I was at the time. It was the most frightening thing I have ever had to do in my life. I know I would have to face up to some truths about myself and my part in how my life had played out. I had moments where I thought I would never be able to cope and get better. I knew all the monsters would come out of the dark eventually. BUT I KNEW I HAD TO FACE THEM.
Fast forward nearly 4 years. This was a journey I am so glad I undertook. I found out a lot about myself and my family, all the family secrets finally saw the light of day. I understood that whilst I had learned a dysfunctional way of behaving and living my life as a child, I had to accept responsibility for continuing this as an adult. And decide to make a change for the better.
Accepting responsibility for your life and your choices doesn’t mean you are to blame for what was done to you as a child, or how you dealt with this as a child. All it is, is accepting the past and moving on, finally letting go of it, being able to look back and not have an emotional reaction to it. We cannot change the past but we can change the future. We cannot change how people treated us as children but we can change how we behave and think now. We can make a choice to be a better person, healthy in thought and mind as well as body.
It is a scary prospect but so worth it all.
I understand perfectly who I am and why I am me. I accept everything about myself, Borderline Personality Disorder and Anxiety and all. I choose every day to look forward and to make each day a better one. And I pray for those who haven’t come to the point where they realise anything is better than where they are right now.
I sometimes find it hard to accept this with others, because I know what they are missing, but they aren’t ready, and that is up to them. It frustrates me and I just feel like I want to shake them, but I can’t force someone to see that we all have bright future, we just have to take that one step forward, accept that helping hand.
I hope that my words help just one person to reach out for help and be ready to accept whatever happens, embrace it with everything they have. It is not an easy road to take but so worth it in the end.
I have let go of my pain, I have put it right back where it belongs and I have learned to live again. Everyday I go out and take another step into the world and I like it.