Self Acceptance

Self Acceptance

It has taken me such a long time to realise this is the secret to a happy and peaceful life.

We spend so much of our lives working on self-improvement based on what we believe we should be, which is dictated by our media. We have to have a certain type of house with an income to match. All the best things in our home and the right labels on our clothes. Eat at the right restaurants, be seen at the right places, holiday where the cool people holiday.

But what are we living up to? It is an idea, a perception of what life should be like, when in reality it is a manufactured representation of what the perfect life should look like all to keep us in line and slaves to the system.

Happiness is something we seek, something we convince ourselves is at the end of the rainbow, or will come with the right job and when we live in a certain neighbourhood. When all we have to do, is decide to be happy. It is that simple. Why do we invest so much of ourselves in focusing on what we don’t have instead of just being grateful for what we do have? Why do we allow others to dictate to us how we should live our lives just because that is what they are doing? Happiness is a state of being not somewhere we aim to be based on certain contingencies.

Our media is so full of depictions of what is considered the good life. We focus on acquiring rather than experiencing. A new addiction we face is hoarding to fill a void instead of focusing on taking care of ourselves.

We neglect our family and friends based on what we believe we should have and do. So many people working long and relentless hours in jobs we hate all for a big house and a lifestyle rather than focus on what matters. And we are trapped in a vicious cycle because we have forfeited our lives to paying of things we really can’t afford and don’t need.

We hide who we really are because we are so afraid that others may find out who we truly are and then we will be considered a fraud and a loser.

None of us are perfect and we aren’t meant to be. We aren’t all meant to be rich and famous. And we don’t need that $10,000 watch when a $50 one will serve the same purpose.

I know I am not perfect and I will never pretend to be. I accept my flaws and my inconsistencies. I have made mistakes and failed at life many times. But in my heart of an a good human being. I work hard and I contribute to society in a meaningful way. I have worked in high pressure management positions and cleaned houses for a living. It doesn’t matter to me what I do for a living as long as I pay my bills and keep a roof over my head. Put food on the table and sleep in a warm bed at night. I love and laugh and am there for my friends when they need me.

I don’t make excuses for who I am or where I live. I am me and I know I do everything I do with the best intentions.

Self-Acceptance is about recognising who you are, flaws and all. But also recognising what incredible human beings we all are. We are all here for a purpose, for a reason. We all belong and we all matter. Just because someone in our lives can’t see this, that is more about them than it was ever about us. Gauging ourselves by someone else’s standards is a way of always setting ourselves up to fail.

Live, laugh and love with your whole heart and don’t worry about how the other half lives, because you may just find true happiness and what you are good at. Besides chances are the other half are miserable and life is just one big disappointment after another. Why live a life where you are a slave to big corporations and banks just to feel like you belong to an image that is not real.

Life is way too short for that

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What is a Soul Tribe?

What is a Soul Tribe?

I have been pondering this term for some time. What exactly is a Soul Tribe? Is it a group of like-minded people who share a common purpose? Or maybe a representation of people drawn together who feel like they are family?

I am honestly not quite sure.

I have friends who refer to their inner circle as “Soul Sisters”. Maybe it is because I never had a sister, (well one that lived), that I am incapable of understanding the concept.  I never felt connected to my own family other than my father, possibly that has something to do with it. What makes for a Soul Sister? Again I am not quite sure.

I have friends who I consider Family, I don’t refer to them as my Soul Tribe. They are people I feel connected to and I can share ideas, experiences, my personal shit and conversations with. Does this make them part of my Soul Tribe? Again I don’t know the answer to that.

Within a group of friends what makes one person more exceptional that they are welcome in the inner circle, whereas others don’t fit the bill. Does this term only apply to people who are on the spiritual path?

Is the term Soul Tribe meant to be a more politically correct term for Cliques that are very evident and a part of the social structure of the female population? Maybe because I never felt like I fit in with the average female population and usually only ever had one or two close friends, that I don’t get the concept.

Finding myself in a situation where I am working with other women to build self-esteem and heal past wounds and find our “soul purpose”, we are often referred to as a sisterhood, but I don’t see the connection. I can relate to a couple of these women either because we are going through similar things or I recognise my younger self in them and I feel compelled to share my experiences so they don’t feel alone. Other than that I don’t feel connected to any of these women. I can’t see myself forming lifelong friendships with any of them.

Maybe that is the old me peeping through. Maybe my intention isn’t to belong but to learn what I can from these women and then move on. Maybe that is all it is meant to be

As I have grown older I am selective about who I connect with. Having faced many life lessons I am wary of old habits and people with hidden agendas. If they are genuine I let them in.

Maybe I am not meant to be a member of a club, maybe I am not meant to be surrounded by dozens of friends, maybe I am not meant to belong. Is it possible that my Soul Path in life is to be a leader not a follower, a nomad, a hermit.

I believe it is time for me to do some research? To understand what this means.

I may never understand but I can at least try.

 

 

 

Crazy Making People

Crazy Making People

With Social Media opening up the world as much as it has, we are more likely to come in contact with people who just like to the stir the pot. They can not have an intelligent conversation without trying to incite a reaction. It seems they are so angry or disillusioned with their life they have to create a controversy.

We all have our opinions and we have the right to voice them, others may not agree with us but that is okay. We can have a debate without trying to confuse and annoy people. It’s as if these kinds of people get their jollies by using crazy-making comments. Their intent isn’t to have a conversation with anyone, they just have to refute what everyone else is saying without having any knowledge or evidence to the contrary. It’s like a game to them.

So often in the past I found myself getting angry and trying to get my point across to people who have no intention of listening to another point of view.

Now I choose to concede defeat, it lets the wind out of their sails. There is no point in arguing with someone who just wants to argue for the sake of it. The point is there are so many wonderful people in the world who will be willing to discuss a subject with intelligence and respect.

I had one such conversation this very day. I knew immediately what he was about but I wanted to see how far he would take it.  He talked in circles and really only wanted to cause trouble, if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I was dealing with a narcissist who was bored. It was funny I paid him a compliment, admitted defeat and left the conversation. He continued to post comments for a while, dozens in fact, hoping I would bite.

It makes me laugh that people can be like this but hey it takes all kinds. Good luck to you Brendan.

Connections

Connections

Humans are rather curious creatures. We often feel the need to connect with others as a way of feeling like we belong, we fit in. We are at heart social creatures.

We crave touch and connection, we feel the need to belong to a pack. We need to know our place in the world. Centuries ago we didn’t have to deal with this kind of need, because we always belonged somewhere. Large families, small villages and communities, Farming communities where the work load was shared. But today we find ourselves living a very disconnected existence.

With the ability to travel further we have ventured out of our little communities in search of adventure and now find ourselves separated from our kind, our family. We strive to build and own bigger homes and our families are smaller. Where once an entire family would live in a small apartment or house, sometimes more that 4 children and often our parents would live with us, we are now having fewer children and we are living our lives in so much space, to the point where a family of two adults and two children are so disconnected they live in separate parts of one house. Often using phones and texting to communicate with one another.

Then there is the other side to this. We crave so much that connection with another human being that we often settle for someone who may not have the best of intentions. Or may have had a life where they feel they are owed and they use others for the sole purpose of fulfilling their ego needs. Often they are damaged individuals themselves.

This often happens in an abusive relationship. A vulnerable person is targeted by someone who has the need to control and be in control, in spite of the fact their life is so out of control. They often suppress their true identity till they have lured their victim into their web of lies and falseness. It is only then that they reveal their true visage.

As children we need parents and significant adults to give us that connection, to provide us with a protective environment, where we can feel safe and as we grow we venture out into the world and discover what it has to offer. But not all children come from this kind of situation, some spend their entire childhood terrified of upsetting their parents or siblings. Being subjected to abuse in a number of ways. Being emotionally neglected is a painful experience. People you thought were there for you did not live up to their responsibilities.

So as adults we venture out into the world with a skewed way of thinking and believing. We have grown up believing this dysfunction is perfect normal and as a result we seek relationships that mirror what we know, not realising this isn’t what we need. We have a subconscious desire to get the love from the very people who should have loved us unconditionally, who should have been there for us.

This is why we feel drawn to those predators who prey on our weaknesses and exploit it. Our souls are stripped bare and we have no will left to find a better way to live. A part of us is aware of the dysfunction but we believe we deserve no better.

We need to connect again as communities, and to some degree we have done this with the help of Facebook and other forms of social media. Unfortunately, it has also provided an environment for the predators among us and because we can’t see their faces or physical presence we are even more vulnerable. We are even less likely to realise who we are dealing with.

Trust our instincts when it comes to people. There is a part of us that signals when something is not right and we need to trust that. Our need for nurturance is what gets in our way. We have begun to believe we can only be whole if we connect with others and yet each one of us has the ability to provide that nurturance and connection for ourselves.

We are born whole and complete, we have everything we need.

 

 

 

 

 

A Question of Faith

A Question of Faith

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I have had some introspection time. It was well needed and deserved. I have always felt I am a spiritual being, I have faith that there is more to this world than what we physically see and touch. I don’t hold sway with a lot of organised religions as they seem too dogmatic to me. But it doesn’t mean I don’t find some value in what they do and believe.

All religions have good aspects to them. It is the cults that worry me. How they brainwash their believers who dedicate their lives to a belief system and give up so much all for a self-proclaimed guru who appears to have all the answers but doesn’t live by the rules set up to control the masses.

For me faith, belief, spirituality is a very personal thing. No one doctrine fits all. I meditate because it helps me quiet my mind and find an inner peace for myself. But I am no Buddhist. I love the idea of the Muslim sense of community and family and yet I am not a Muslim. I love Crystals and tarot cards and many of the eastern philosophies healing techniques but I am neither Hindu or Sikh or Taoist; etc. I follow many of the Pagan Traditions as well as the Christian holidays but I don’t identify with either. My heritage is Gypsy and Celtic, with a bit of Norse thrown in, hence the red hair, but I don’t exclusively identify with any of these cultures, but I value nature and herbal remedies as well as equality. I was baptised Anglican or Church of England but I don’t follow their principles.

For me personally I am not against any faith or belief system, I may not agree with certain things but I would never pass aspersions on any religion, etc, based on a lack of a lack of knowledge or how they are portrayed in the media.

Often times, when religion is used as an excuse for bad behaviour this has nothing to do with the religion itself, it has everything to do with someone’s hidden agenda who may have a score to settle. And this is sad indeed.

What worries me today is the move to “New Age”. But in many instances there is nothing new age about it, the healing techniques and doctrines have been around for centuries. And as with the cults, sects, extremist and right-wing groups forming all over the world, people are being brainwashed and conned all for the greed of a few. And this happens with pretty much everything today.

So many self-help books are being produced with some miracle cure for today’s problems and maladies. The sad reality is so many people fall for it. Recently a spiritual celebrity publicly denounced all she had been preaching and peddling for 20+ years. Having made millions off selling her wares she has now become a born again Christian. So many people were incensed and angry. Millions of followers all over the world believed what she taught and bought her books and cards. I have some of her Cards myself. To me this was just a case of someone trying to help people find their way to peace and happiness and she hadn’t really done that herself. I am not saying she is an egotistical charlatan, but so many people followed her blindly.

So many psychic fairs happen all over the world, people flock to them for answers, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have friends who set up stalls and tables for readings and products they have to help people to find what they are looking for in their lives. And I fully support them in what they are doing. And making a living out of something you love is the best feeling in the world. But there are those who are in it purely for the money and will sell their own mother if it gets them what they want.

A few years ago I was signing myself up for so many courses, trying to find my answers and my place in this world. And unfortunately I was conned and taken for my money by someone who only cared about what they could get out of it. Imagine paying $1600 to learn the Tarot. Luckily I figured it out after only a few weeks, but still that was a waste of money that could have been better utilized. This person has unfortunately gone on to change her name and started up a new website and Facebook page to continue to feed her ego and her lifestyle. I am now learning it for free, but the teacher has had to take legal action against someone who has been plagiarizing her work and making money off unsuspecting victims.

This is the kind of thing that annoys me and has made me wary of con artists. And in all walks of life they are there, ready to pounce on any unsuspecting victim. Most media sites, dating sites; etc, have become territory to the predators of the world who prey on unsuspecting victims who reach out because they are lonely and vulnerable, wanting that connection and being so trusting and naïve to the true identity of evil itself.

In my own journey with my faith I have realised I don’t fit into any one ideal, I follow my own path and believe what I do. I take from each belief system what works for me. I have given up fitting in with any one social, political, cultural, spiritual group because I have discovered I have specific needs that only I can fulfil. I have given up the need to fit in. It would be nice to find a group of friends who I can spend time with and feel like I belong quirks and all. I believe I have found that with my Facebook friends, some of whom I have met and love their company. Maybe I am a loner, and I can share my own journey with those who feel like I do.

 

Big Scary Monsters.

Big Scary Monsters.

FEAR

That is my big scary monster. It keeps me from doing the very thing I need to. It holds me frozen to the spot. I know life can be better if I just take that step but I am held back by fear.

Fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear of rejection. Fear of admitting weakness, fear of the unknown, fear of being judged. And yet fear is something we create in our minds and it can be fed by our thoughts and beliefs. Others can sense this fear and use it against you to control you and immobilize you into submission.

I suppose acknowledging your fears is one step in the right direction, but when you find yourself in an unreliable and unstable position, whether it be of your own doing or that of others, acknowledging and doing something to change your life is two entirely different kettles of fish.

There is a strength within me that I have drawn on many times, but now for some reason, I am hesitant to call upon it. I don’t have the support network I had before and being much older I have lost that invincibility that we all had in our youth. I have a couple of friends who support me whatever I choose to do but I am so scared to get away from the devil I know.

Once you reach a certain age, you have a sense of self but also a sense of how vulnerable we really are. How fragile we really are.  And loneliness is a big issue with older people. We struggle to connect with new people. And often have a lack of trust towards others because of the actions of those who shared your life at one point and betrayed your trust.

Logic tells me I can do this because experience has proving it time and time again. It’s just that crazy thing called fear, holding me back.

 

Weight of the World Update.

I continue my weight loss journey. I have lost 5 kilos and continue to keep it off. And now to work on the rest of the weight I need to lose.

Part of this weight loss journey is about getting rid of old habits and ways of thinking about myself. I am teaching myself to love me not matter what and learning different ways to protect myself from emotional pain. Believing no one can hurt me without my permission is a big deal for me.

And the journey continues………